Klopp A Load of This

Herr Klopp has arrived at Anfield

To the surprise, it seems, of just about no-one, Jürgen Klopp has been appointed as Liverpool's new manager.
In my last post, I was hopeful that we might choose to appoint a British manager to the position. That Herr Klopp has been installed is not the worst decision ever made. In fact, I like what I've seen of him so far. In particular, he seems to be a no nonsense kind of guy, with a good sense of humour and a motivational approach vaguely reminiscent of the great Bill Shankly.
For example, in his press conference, he was at pains to point out that fans and players "have to change from doubter to believer" if he's to achieve his goals. I agree with that 100%—belief, particularly the squad's self-belief, in my humble opinion, is the foundation upon which success is built. If you lower your expectations and talk down your abilities, you will never win a thing. As a fan, I will certainly give him the benefit of the doubt and believe in him and his approach.

He also stressed the importance of the emotional element of the game, which I interpret as fighting spirit, confidence and a winning mentality, something that was completely absent in recent games under Brendan Rodgers. That Klopp is pointing that out in his first meeting with the press—and talking up the abilities of the current squad—sounds like a page out of a Shankly coaching manual. At the same time, he's clearly not someone who will say that the team played well when they didn't. Nobody wants to hear empty praise for players who, instead, need rockets put up their backsides.
However, he's not a Scouser and he's not British either—not his fault, obviously—which means that some things about the Premier League are going to come as a surprise to him. In the spirit of helping the guy out, here's some advice that I humbly offer to him to smooth his transition to the English game.
Otherwise, I truly hope that when you leave Liverpool, you do so with a huge additional collection of winner's medals and lots of fondness for the club. Viel Glück!

Premier League Football is Fast and Furious

Whether it's because of the cold, damp climate, or whether it's because we're just plain crazy, the tempo and physicality of British football is higher than just about anywhere else.

Players do not get as much time and space on the ball as you will be used to seeing in the Bundesliga. Instead, players need to keep moving to keep warm find space to provide passing options to teammates when in possession, while working hard to close down the opposition players when they have the ball. You'll need to factor that in to your game plans, as it is a big surprise to every foreign manager who has come into the league. What might be high tempo play in the Bundesliga could well be regarded as pedestrian in the Premier League.

At the same time, the sport is a lot more physical. Tackles are harder, there's more contact, and the referees generally like to keep play going. Don't complain about it; go with the flow and feed off it instead.

(However, as you sometimes call your full throttle approach an English style of play, maybe this will not be as big a surprise to you.)

There Are No Second-Rate Teams in the Premier League

It seems that many foreign managers like to rest key players, or rotate the squad, when we play teams from the lower half of the league.

Don't. There are no easy teams in the Premier League. As soon as you rest good players, and disrupt the team's cohesion as a consequence, you will give a psychological lift to an opposition team that are capable of providing us with a bloody nose without such assistance. Three points are three points, and we will only win the league if we maximise our efforts to take those three points—by fielding our strongest starting XI—from every single game.

In many ways, failure to take three points from such teams has often been our Achilles heel.

We Don't Have a Winter Break

It seems that as soon as Crimbo rolls around, every foreign manager in the Premier League starts whining about the lack of a winter break, which just about every other league in Europe has.

Tough. Get over it. In fact, don't even mention it, because it's all rather boring and annoying.

This is Britain, and we play in the cold, wet and snow, and have done going back into the mists of time. Rather than take time off over Christmas and New Year, you'll find that we play even more games. Crazy? Maybe, but that's just the way we like it. When in Rome...

We Apparently Play Too Many Games

Another problem foreign managers traditionally have with English football is the number of games that teams are expected to compete in each season. I don't know if this is because they have to work a bit harder than they're used to, but complaining about this will also fall on deaf ears. As soon as you bring this subject up, it will sound like you're giving players an excuse for poor performances. So don't do that.

Actually, things have improved. Back in the days when English clubs used to dominate European football, we actually played 42 league games a season, instead of just 38, as well as all the other cup competitions. (In fact, that's a pretty good argument for going back to our more traditional season's schedule of games, rather than reducing them further.)

However, it has become fashionable to put out a second string team for some of the less important matches, such as early rounds of the Europa League and League Cup. But, just remember, Liverpool is about silverware, and you likely can't afford to pick and choose which competitions you don't need to win—because we want to be competing in all of them. Rodgers won nothing in over three years!

We Don't Like Divers

I was watching one of your former protégés, Robert Lewandowski, throwing himself to the floor with boring regularity throughout Poland's game with the Republic of Ireland today. Now, while Lewandowski is, obviously, Polish, diving is clearly a popular attribute of many players in the Bundesliga—some of whom have brought that particular ability to the Premier League.

Indeed, the name Jürgen Klinsmann is practically synonymous with "diving cheat" after his shenanigans while at Spurs. He even created a humorous goal celebration referencing his unsavory reputation. Similarly, Michael Ballack suffered regularly from a sudden and uncontrollable failure to stay upright when near (but not actually in contact with) opposition players. And there are many other examples.

Just to be clear, this kind of behaviour is just not cricket, as we say in England. Football is a man's game, physical contact happens, and we expect players to try to stay on their feet—and not act as though they've just been taken out by a sniper. Indeed, visitors from alien planets exposed to Bundesliga play might sometimes think that the object of the game is to win free-kicks and penalties, rather than putting the ball in the back of the opposition's net.

Now, I recognize that there are many divers currently plying their trade in the Premier League. However, no genuine Liverpool fan wants to see them in our squad. We can and should win without that nonsense. Rather than coaching players how to dive, which I'm sure happens in the Bundesliga, you should fine every one of our players who attempts it. Trust British referees to spot that a player has been fouled, even if he hasn't fallen to the ground.

Just saying...

Foreign Players Don't Always Adapt to the Premier League

Liverpool, like many other "English" teams, has a large number of overseas players in its squad. However, for every Philippe Coutinho or Luis Suárez, there are a dozen or so Philipp Degen's, El Hadji Diouf's, Bruno Cheyrou's, Fernando Morientes', Josemi's, Mark Gonzalez's, Andriy Voronin's, Alberto Aquilani's, Milan Jovanovic's, Iago Aspas', Luis Alberto's, Nuri Sahin's (who you know well) etc., etc. to name but a few.

While you may be most familiar with players from the Bundesliga, you should know that players who excel in other leagues rarely slot right into teams in the Premier League, possibly for the reasons listed above. Even Dietmar Hamann struggled when he first arrived at Liverpool, despite having played a full season with Newcastle United.

Instead, for purely practical reasons, I would urge you to buy British players, or at least players with a proven track record of success in the Premier League, rather than players who have never played or experienced British football.

You will also find that locally-born players will run through a brick wall when you put them in a Liverpool shirt, since you mentioned the emotional element of the game. Remember that, and give the next Steven Gerrard or Jamie Carragher the opportunity to shine.